A call from Mama.

I seriously wanted to fake ill, and avoid the morning prayer. But Mama! Mama! will still barge in to my room, without knocking pouring a very cold water on my head, making my hair smell like roasted beans. That's when she gets all fiercy like the old Moremi. !

Ha!!! Kikelomo here you are?! Hoelorun oshi! Didn't you hear me ring the bell? Ha ayemi! and she goes holding her chest, like she wants to make an evil confession.

See mama it's early na ehn, haba éfimisile ejhoor i wan sleep!.

Ha! Kikelomo SMH for you! At this your age? Sleep is all that matters to you? Look at you Omoh 34! still single, your mates are married!

I know Mama..... please can you stop yelling? We live in an estate... It's just 3:30 Tori olorun .

Ha kikelomo I'm shouting? I'm making noise niyen oh.. And there she goes again, shedding those crocodile tears.

I carried you for nine months, i suffered on your head! I trek no be small for this Eko on top your matter! Even my coblar shoe hated me! i.....

Mama I'm sorry, i know oya I'm sorry... What do you want this morning?

Those soft words have just spoken, has a way of appeasing the devil that lives down town of her soul.

Kike!kike!kiiiike! How meh.....

Mama! Mama! Kilode nau?

Kikelomo get married! Bring home ha husband! Tori Jehovah! Your singleness crayfish Waka about have do!. Are they doing you Ni?

See your grey hairs doing competition with mine. Enough of uncircumcised rod you have been collecting up and Dawn, zip up pant! Close your leg, ha ha ayemi! 

What is it mama?

Look at your brezzz! Why are they looking down! What are they looking for on the floor? Aren't they supposed to be looking at me!!  you see leme tell you when i was in my Sango ohde... no bobo, i repeat! No bobo Saw the color of my pant or the hand of my koste not even your father..it was in the night of our wedding that we did the needful... But you!!.

Mama! Mama! Motigbo can i? Go.....

Shut up jare ko GBE enu oshi soun! Be speaking foolish English up and Dawn.

Wo shey you see....this evening, you're going out with Baba Obey's son, so you should come back home early.

The boy is a very good shild, you ll like him, oh handsome' infact he's a very successful lawyer ehn, and can speak English..

Please dress well, you can wear that my long gown and that Carabian hat, don't go and disgrace me like the last time, because dressing like Ashewo is in your blood. You must get married this year by fire, even if i have to drag you by your hair. Oya losun because I'm coming to wake you up again by 5:00 for prayers........

Finally she left the room.

Take in a deep breath.. I'm tired! This Is what i go through every blessed day mtcheeew! Walahi oti Sumi, ABI what's all this rubbish gan na. This singleness sef Taya me. And i fine oh... No be say i worwor. E con be like say Dem dey Sabi follow me come from village!

I have prayed i won't have to go through this! Ehn baba Obey's son, that one looks like antelope, you can barely hear a word when he speaks, in go dey do like saint, mtcheeew. Ha God! Ha God! I deserve a Chevron working class, living in magodo that's just 35! .

You know dah Kain love Tori wey we go bump into each other jus sote fall in love, but no!! Afi hookup. From gay pastor's son to Baba onilu of Lagos's son to Mama shine shine'son..... sighs.

Me sef i don dey smell old for home. Make this village people just free me, so I won't have to lie to iya kike every Friday night, when she sees me dressed up in a long gown with a church scraf tied to my head, thinking I'm going for single's vigil. When deep down i dey go club to Shaayho and GBE body to some loud Gbedu wey dey burst brain.

Lolu of afrika

Naijawriter.